All hell breaks loose

Shaking hell

Let me see your silhouette in hell

If you wanna find hell with me

I am happy, I am relaxed

sleep paralysis example

There was more to this dream, but here's how the interesting part starts:

my husband and I had to go somewhere.  We finally decided that taking a plane would be best.  I end up by myself still trying to get to the place, but on foot.  I dropped in like Mary Poppins on this really cute Tudor-like village. I see a shop that I think was something about knitting.. Reika's Knitting or something like that.. Another woman on the street goes into the shop ahead of me.  She starts talking to Reika and they both have British-like accents. I say, "may I please interrupt you two for a second?"  They turn and look at me and I say "where am I?"  The shop owner says something like "I can't tell you that right now" or "we will get to that later" I can't quite remember.  The three of us end up sitting at a table; Reika across from me and the other woman to my right.  Suddenly some force like invisible hands kind of pulls strands from my hair from my temples and simultaneously creates a band of pressure around my head and then possesses me.  I somehow throw my body over to the woman on my right and lean into her body maybe trying to grab her hand.  I try to talk, then try to scream but the force is too strong..it won't let me.. I try to move my hand and then my body but I'm paralyzed. After fighting for a bit, I finally am like, fuck it, and...dropped down inside myself (??)... and... make this low growl sound.  It released me and I woke up doing that sound.  I was lying on my back, which can inhibit sleep paralysis, and managed to turn a little to my side.  I was exhausted, but I was actually afraid to go to sleep right away because I didn't want to go back to that dream!  I focused on breathing and relaxing.  the end.

once I got my bearings I was able to loosely correlate the dream to my life.  It gave me a little hope that I will be released from anxiety.

Me as a doll

Let`s go for a walk! #brunedoll #nunstudiodoll #nunstudio #handmadedoll #handmadepet #clothdoll

A photo posted by NUN studio (@nun.studio) on Sep 1, 2016 at 12:13am PDT

soft and dri-eyed Radio Station

Well, folks, looks like there so many Anxietites that we had to make a whole radio station to satisfy the needs of Americans dealing with this social scourge.  Enjoy the current line up:

6:00-6:30 Wake up to Burl!  All Burl Ives all the time.  Well, for 30 minutes.  Get your day started whimsically with happy folk songs sung by Burl!
6:30-7:00  The Public Domain Review.  Our girl Jennie reads aloud titles of interest to her from the wonderful Public Domain Review.
6:30-9:30 Good mood  Get in a good mood with sounds of silence and comforting voices and words to get through rush hour.
9:30-10:30 Hour Massage.  Hulga Hildebrande gives guests an hour long massage.  Use this as inspiration to finally make that appointment!
10:30-12:30  Rox talks Socks: Roxanne Pinolo muses about her favorite socks, brands, colors, patterns.  Long, short, fuzzy, sleek, no stocking will be ignored and every stitch will be discussed.
12:30-12:45 Short Order. Short Order cook, Winston Marsalis, plays the griddle with sizzle sizzle.
12:45-1:00  Open Mic. We are currently auditioning for soft, tender and kind voices to read pretty and relaxing poetry for this spot.
1:00-3:00  Do I have a yarn for you:  Andi Tenderheart's talk show of her yen for yarn.  Join her in this feel good session about all she knows about yarn.  She will talk about soft, fluffy, round pom poms for hours.
3:00-3:15 Gas stations of yore:  Old timers are interviewed about the history of their local stations.  Let the creaky voices swept away in reverie massage those nerve endings that are about 3 feet from your skin by now.  No stories with over-emotion will be aired.
3:15-3:45  Plant-a-day.  Each day learn about a new plant.  With around 400,000 species in the world, we have plenty to talk about.
3:45-4:00 Choppin Broccoli!  ...and cucumbers and carrots and whatever vegetable Chef Pepin wants to chop:
4:00-6:00 ask the calm dude: Dudius Maximus, Chalm Stalward, lends a guiding hand to right us through the storm.  ask him anything.  He is happily the most chillest dude on earth.  And we got him on Soft and dri-eyed Radio Station just for you.

  I can't listen to regular radio at all anymore, I drive in silence.  I still click on the news online, but I can't really take it.  it's a weird addiction I guess.  Do I really need to know all this stuff?  And what can I do to eliminate all this over-stimulation?  -Stressed in Middlesex

Dear Stressed in Middlesex, you are very good to notice that you are overstimulated.  After all anxiety is just a dis-ease of the nervous system.  Your nerves are over active.  You are a sensitive person.  This is okay.  Some day I think we will all look to you as the canary in the coal mine, but I hope we will be proactive rather than reactive.  I think silence is a good start and yes, you must try to avoid regular news.  It's okay to take a break from it.  After all, the inflammatory sells and it just hikes up your shoulders more.  Again, it's okay to take a break. It doesn't mean you have to never know what's going on the in the world forever.  Just remember to back away.  you will see that the big news doesn't really impact your every day life.  I suggest the newspaper, Hushpost, that focuses on good news only and lots of our more cuter, more fuzzier cousins.  It might give you the outlet for your online clicking addiction.  Keep up the good work, but don't over think it.  Roll with it, Calm dude

6:00-7:00  Let's do Sauna!  Jorma Jurgensen gets enthusiastic about Sauna!  Meet his fun and unusual guests that are just as enthusiastic about Sauna as Jorma!
7:00-8:00 My three lizards.  Listen to my three lizards, Rob, Chip and Ernie...you might hear them rustle around, but you can imagine them sitting very still...maybe blinking an eye or smelling with their tongue. Pure heaven.
8:00-10:00 Leon Lavender at night.  nothing unsettling here, only good relaxing vibes and everything lavender. Leon's velvet voice will stroke your hair and make you feel like you are lying your head in your mother's lap. Let it go, let yourself go, slow and low that is the tempo.
10:00-12:00  Nigh-nigh-a-go-go.  Snuggle up in your bed and listen to songs that will comfort the child in you.  A wide collection of nursery songs to lull you to sleep.
12:00-3:00  Insomniac Quest. For you insomniacs out there, here is a strange odyssey of one man who travels during the night whilst everyone is asleep.  Can you keep up or will it put you into dreamland?  One can only hope.
3:00-6:00  Warm Fuzzy.  DJ Fuzzy spins white noise, sweet humming (never creepy), silence, a collection of empowering quotes read by famous voices (Yes, Vincent Price is one of them) float in between more white noise, radio waves and silence.

string things

Sausages

via GIPHY

periodical curiosities / crushes

new grapes called jammies, bursting jam spheres in your mouth!

Stranger Things, hearkens back to my horror movie lovin' childhood-Stephen King shout out!

Documentary Now!, soon! soon! soon!  season 2

yarn and pom poms, i want to be surrounded by a million pom poms and yarn garlands!

neopolitan ice cream sandwiches, I don't need to choose a flavor and I also need a pin of one of these

pins!, tuesdaybassen, sambypen, pintrill, rosehoundapparel, others I haven't discovered

Ice water, it is so quenching and delicious

kissing my babies' cheeks, they are starting to get annoyed

cheeks ripe for kissing:

Bonus: google image search for strange things

Cacao to everything

definition

trumppence: a trivial substance

firsts

I have to document the new firsts you are doing, little girl, and I'm sorry I haven't kept up like I did with your brother.  I didn't want to be so typical, but alas, I guess there's a reason the second child doesn't get the attention of the first... yeah...I know...the first!
So, your father and I came to the consensus that your first word was dada around March, but now in your 15th month on earth you have accumulated a few more...

bye bye - you say dye, dye (to your toothbrush, gleefully)

Ball -  Bah  ( you can throw a ball really well!)

hi (this was probably your second word and maybe really the first that was the clearest--you say this word really cute and high and often times is accompanied by a wave)

uh-oh (you make this exaggerated "o" with your lips that is adorable)

mum mum (kinda...I mean, it's not that clear, but you like me and I don't care. :) )

no (you said this very clearly at 5 o'clock this morning)

update 8.15: go and ouch! also, you sign for "more"

you communicate rather effectively by shaking your head yes and no and you do it kind of funnily...in fact, you are funny.  Your dad and I think so...your brother has commented on it as well.
You growl.
you walk around like a champ--your first steps were Friday June 24th--you already run ok.
Just yesterday you wanted a cape like your brother so we borrowed your dad's red bandana and tied it around your neck...we have pictures.  You love it!
Your brown eyes are really expressive and sometimes you make an effort to catch my gaze, stare into my eyes and we smile. :)

list of things

I like cuddling my children fresh from sleep

So Salty Free is my new mantra

I'm going to start a jean jacket gang

Hot high school kids can turn into rotten toothed trolls

Hopefully I will be stuck in my happiest moment until mid November

I am at all times in full compliance

When my kids get older we will add a turtle to our family

Always be anti- anti-

Always be andi andi

Gonna pom pom bomb this mutha

pagan holiday

be mine

윈스턴

A photo posted by 김세동 SAM (@sambypen) on Jul 25, 2016 at 10:43pm PDT

the force

I see my son reaching and ask if he wants his stick.  I realize he is humming an instrumental and he says,"I'm trying to use the force!" The force is strong in this one. The stick, um, light saber is retrieved from my evil clutches back into his Jedi hand.
Later, he finds my phone and implores me to use the force. He sings the force music again as he sways and floats and dances with arm outstretched towards my splayed fingers as I attempt to summon the phone back into my hand.

fake it til you make it

Happiness and sunbeams and cute little puppy dogs 

These are the things that I've seen with my heart 
Life is a happy game if you don't forget to smile 
But every now and then, your face it harbours a frown 

Sadness is a barnacle, clinging to your bright boat 
You won't let it sink your spirits if you'll only learn to float 
We are all sea captains, sailing on life's rough seas 
Come all you Magellans, come with me I've got pie 
Happiness pie 

Happy tailors, happy workers, happy farmers, happy girls 
Happy widowers, happy freelance artists, happy welders, happy world 
Happy drinkers, happy thinkers, happy musicians, happy beauticians 
Happy mayors, happy pears, happy call girls, happy hula boys 

Happiness pie 
Pie pie pie pie 
Happiness pie

underoos

We bought new Star Wars undies for my four year old and he found out a kid at his school has the same ones.  The other morning my son was going through all the scenarios of his schoolmate having one pair on and he having another pair.  He would wear Boba Fett one day and then the kid would have Boba's on the next day.  They were out of sync.  Then he says, or tries to say, "It would be my pleasure to wear the same one with him."
Except he didn't know the usual string of words "it would be my"  but he sing-songed something like it all garbled up with pleasure in there.

Dark Nap

What my four year old calls sleep.

ready for dark nap!

cool. I'm a folk artist.

what did you say last night?

You said Mom, my nose is broken
after I listened to you trying to breathe out of it.
you get so proud of your four well colored pictures in the purple dragon gallery
you say a lot of things now that are tokens of gold and I can't remember them all.
you count down the days until we can all be together. Every day you ask if it's the last day
you say i love you, you're so beautiful all smashed together in a whispery voice because you think i need to hear that.
What did you say last night?  I'm typing all this out to get to the memory of it.
Something about milk?
you are a golden nugget of truth, you are
maybe I will remember it later

Obsv #9...hundred

First Cicada song heard tonight! Ree-er Ree-er Ree-er!

yes indeed

She's walkin, yes indeed
 not yet talkin....
I have a new toddler in my life, just as my eldest is ushered into whatever is after toddlerhood....walksgoodhood

Noodle eater

Masaaki Hiroi makes these really adorable Edo spinning tops.
                                       I want this one.

observation #788

First lightning bug sighting of the year...we tried to catch some but they were too high, too fast and too few.

sum of me

And then there’s me.  

A massive ball of, “just take me to the sanitarium."

from, Excuse me while I Lather my child in this toxic death cream

Happy Birthday little 1

mista emoto

i need to figure out
emotional robot skin
that i can turn on and off
right now my emotions are so messy and big
it's an out of control amoeba
my flagella's are 50 feet long