I've noticed this month has been a rather purple April. Violets carpet the lawns and red buds are especially vibrant. This month's full moon is also called the Pink Moon and maybe that's because of the all the pink or purple blossoms.
I've been collecting violets and using them for tea and eating the soaked blossoms and leaves. I even made a tincture, I have to wait 6 weeks!
We are done. :( It's a good thing, I know, but I can't help feeling a bit sad about it. She asked to wurse about 1-2 hours before we normally wake up and I almost gave in because she asked so sweetly, but I thought it was closer to wake up time and said no. She threw a little fit that made me feel not so bad about saying no. She just turned her back towards me in disgust. :)
I can feel a spark of freedom, but right now I guess I need to mourn a little. It's funny because I have been wanting this for the most part. Especially since my anxiety or hormones or both have been uncontrollable and uncomfortable. I keep thinking that maybe nursing is causing this feeling. I guess we shall see, because it doesn't seem to be the copper IUD.
I keep trying to find relief in tinctures and tea, but I think I'm going nowhere with them. Right now I am trying Ashwagandha, Reishi and Kava tea. Oh and sage to dry up my milk.
Crying over dried milk
What am I?
An old woman now?
No more babies, no more nursing
The factory is closed.
I'm crying over dried milk
because
just because
I'm crying over dried milk
cuz those days are done
Crying cuz the mid-life crisis has just begun
I can hold you and rock you, hold you and rock you
until you leave my nest
For now I will cry over my deactivated breasts.
It's time to pacify the pacifiers
Retire what made us all tired
cuz i realized there is a full moon on my birthday. A Super Blue Moon! Pretty neat how there's a super moon on the first and last day of this month. I went out in the frigid temps on New Year's Night to check it out. It was glaring! I mean it almost hurt my eyes to look at it. Stunning. And the stars were really clear and bright too. My favorite, Orion, was dazzling!
I'm drinking teas now. I had to stop all tinctures. I think I'm an idiot (or maybe just happy, I think I'm just happy). It's possible the motherwort does not agree with me right now and I figure since it may be the culprit that started it all, then I don't need the chaste tree to regulate. I bought valerian, but I just want to stop it all. I do have some sage that I want to take for milk reduction, but I'm just...at a loss at what to do.
However! Because I feel bad, I have to take something and now I'm relying on magnesium citrate and dandelion, nettle and ginger teas. I might take a bit of sage, still not sure. And I think I will get back on krill oil. I didn't mean to stop those, just kept forgetting.
I like google's image today:
from wiki: Khorana's invention(s) have become automated and commercialized so that anyone now can order a synthetic oligonucleotide or a gene from any of a number of companies. One merely needs to send the genetic sequence to one of the companies to receive an oligonucleotide with the desired sequence.
My new obsession is herbs and tinctures. I frequent Richard Whelan, Susun Weed, Henriette's Herbal websites trying to find herbal allies to human maladies, mostly mine. Every tincture I find to my liking is added to my Amazon wishlist. What should a 40 something woman do when she is having an existential crisis? It's all normal. It's all hormonal? It's my life, don't you forget...and I want it to never end.
Herb tinctures I've tried: Motherwort(hormone balance, heart), Skullcap (nervine), Echineacea (immune system) and Elderberry(immune system). All from Herb Pharm.
Also tried hemp derived cbd oil
Herb allies I want to try: Cannabis cbd oil (illegal in my state and country which is a crime against humanity), Vitex (Chaste Berry), Red Clover, Reishi, psylocibin (microdose mostly)
Herbs in my back yard I want to use: Poke root for tincture(powerful immune system ally so use as last resort), Poke berries to swallow like pills (the seeds are poisonous, so don't bite them)
I found a new website that has a lot of articles on entheogens(also illegal and another crime against humanity), cannabis(must be legalized to combat the opioid crisis in my country) and other Herbs for mental health .
I'm not sure, but I think I'm suffering from hormonal imbalance. It might be due to extended breastfeeding and unbridled anxiety. Is it my pituitary gland? Is it my adrenals? Is it my estrogen? Is it my progesterone? Is it my insulin? I don't know. All I know is that I have hot flushes, nausea, shortness of breath and overall unwell feeling.
I managed to calm myself of my anxiety by reading Claire Weekes' Hope and Health for your Nerves. She recommends that you face your anxiety, accept it, float through it when it hits and let time pass to bring homeostasis to your over-sensitized nervous system. She's really practical about it and shows that there is a pattern to all anxieties. It is reassuring that no one is a special case when it comes to sensitized nerves.
"I'm just a symptom of the moral decay that's gnawing at the heart of the country"
