Waste of Our Time [in editing]

[I am immediately putting this story, comment, post--whatever it is--in editing, cuz I see where I've quit or lost focus. I could add more about the singers. The title could reflect energy/singers. There could be one special singer that actively plays with her vocals to excite energy, like growling, singing from the belly vs. the throat, echoing the sound from the vocal chords off her cavernous mouth.. I don't know, I'm working on it, but I post it anyway to show that even though I'm underemployed, I am working--sort of.]

And scene....

A man walks into a theatre where a lone speaker is in the middle of his presentation behind a podium on the stage. In the seats, the audience represents a nucleus of serious people listening raptly centered in a wavy blob of wary individuals.

"...Energy Levels.

Singers.

Sound for energy.

Intricate harmonies producing sound.

Sure we can produce sound other ways: Banging on a drum, Car crash against a brick wall, hair spray can blowing up in a bon fire.

But why try to eliminate the human element?

Granted, humans do make a lot of waste. Each potential employee generates approximately 156 kg of waste quarterly. And yes, that is on their own time, but I don't want that responsibility on my conscience.

Every where we go we hear about going green or environmental awareness. I support this endeavor for the planet as a whole. I believe in interconnectivity and interdependence. Which brings me to why I am here. My company, Human Energy, has been in the energy business for 20 years and have expanded to something quite unique. How environmentally stable does energy from song sound? Pun intended and I apologize for it.

[A quick sputtering machine gun laughter decrescendos into muffled fairy laughs, then silence.]

Investors, you want to know the overhead. How much is one paid to sing? Will there be part-time gigs only? We have full-time singers that are the so-called work humans and then we have open rotating spots for part-timers. We have some employees that just sing some energy on their lunch break! Of course there are qualifications which determine salary. The qualifications are straight forward. How much energy can one produce? Each singer is entitled to a percentage of the energy revenue that each singer creates. Plus, each employee has a sliding scale, according to energy input, stake in Human Energy. What type of singers/employees do we employ? Perfect pitch is great, but we need those who understand harmonics as well. In our tests of output so far, we have noticed that a distinct assemblage of harmonics will produce the most quality energy. We are still improvising and expanding the benefits of constructive and deconstructive sound waves. We have found that some singers produce more energy and have adopted measures to protect these energetic individuals from overuse. Could you imagine, someday, someone, somewhere saying 'I love it when so and so's singing, my computer never runs better!'?

Of course, we became reborn with the potential reliance of the human element towards energy so we thought, why not use plain ole physicality to provide energy? You know what? We did! Bicyclists. That's right! We currently employ over 1000 bicyclists. Depending on the rider's strength, our bikes generate 300 watts at 12 to 25 volts DC.

Now, you are wondering how environmentally sound is a facility that houses that many stationary bikes, people, plus all those microphones and singers?! Yes, we thought of the crowd waste--I told you myself, I don't want that on my conscience--so we have made the majority of our jobs offsite or home based. We do have a stationary facility that houses the main computer and cell that converts sound/human kinetics to energy. In order to work from home, our employees are equipt with special microphones and bikes, both of which have stationary and portable capabilities, and are connected to our converter facility.

As you all are quite aware now, in fact, it's the main reason I get to talk to you today, that our contribution to the waste equals energy diagram is what put us on the map. We began this endeavor by utilizing energy from methane by capturing fumes exhausted by what? Yep, human waste--our local dumps. It's not everything and it won't solve the energy crisis--yet. Believe me, we humans are waste machines! But, I do believe every bit helps. However, if we can eventually repurpose most of our waste--we strive for 100%, mind you, then Human Energy won't have our CH4 from the dumps gig much longer.

With foresight, we are in the process of collecting leachate from landfills and creating different containers of sorts that will ring out all that this vile residual waste has to offer by squeezing every last bit of gas or whatever surprises we may find into use. Hopefully in this process, we will, at the very least, safely dispose or destroy this foul ingredient.

We also have other future plans to provide compostable toilets with a CH4 adapter energetic output to our employees. You know how I hate human waste on my conscience!

Anyways, we are Human Energy. Producing energy humanely through might, sound and waste. Thank you for listening."

Later refreshments are served in what one would suppose the theatre players would celebrate the cast party. A man we read about in the opening sentence gathers up the courage to talk to the man behind Human Energy.

"How did you get into this? I mean, what brought your passions into fruition?"

The man heartily laughed and with a salesman smile and a vaudevillian tone slurred, "I always say it started with a microscope!"

"No," his disposition turned genuine as he continued to chuckle, "the story is my mother gave me a microscope when I was really little--too little to have outdoor adventures. Still, I was drawn to the intricate instrument and wanted very much to use this precious gift. My first specimen was my own booger!," he flung his torso back to survey his audience expression, then straightened up and went on randomly, "then, you know, my earwax, wet and dry eye goo, plaque from morning mouth and after drinking sugary drinks, er, urine...and ahem, yes, even feces. In fact, when I was finished with all of my own output and also grown enough to venture outdoors, I delved into the exploration of other species output or waste. My dog, my cat, bird, squirrel, deer, rabbit, fish, caterpillar, some unidentifiables. I have quite a feces slide collection. It's so large that I had to create a library for them. I keep them in a special refrigeration unit I designed, otherwise, well, it would smell like shit!" After a quick guffaw, the speaker smiled sly eyes, leaned closer to his querier and under his breath he said, "I even collected some of my wife's menstrual blood." Then solomnly, looking his conversant in the eye, he soberly nodded, "with her permission, of course."

"Of course." garbled the uneasy listener, all of the sudden finding himself concentrating on his shuffling feet.

"It's important." declared the speaker as if clearing his throat and jolting awake from a drunken daydream only to fall quickly into his best philosophical persuasion, "to know the capabilities of an organism."

"You see, I started with the point source, me, and I'm slowly expanding from there. Plus," he added, "I love thinking that one day someone might actually be humming an energetic tune."

Humming an energetic tune.

Humming an energetic tune.

Oh, by Humman Energy

We're Hummin an energetic tune!