So it’s safe to assume you really love Christmas?
Yes, but there are some things that I hate about Christmas. I hate it when I get pears. How would anyone dare to buy me a pear? I’m always shocked when I open a box and there are six pears! I mean, how dare you? I can buy myself a goddamn pear! I think gift baskets should be liquor or cigarettes or porn, just things you’d never buy for yourself. A dear friend in New York sent me a basket of pears for Christmas last year and it did make me laugh when I actually saw one after I’d been bitching about them for so long.
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