New Year's Eve Parties from the past

funny

SEE (copy/paste or click "funny"):  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pXfHLUlZf4&feature=related

Shhh, Shhh

It's, oh, so quiet
shh,shh
It's, oh, so still
shh,shh
You're all alone
shh, shh
And so peaceful until...

You fall in love
Zing boom
The sky up above
Zing boom
Is caving in
Wow bam
You've never been so nuts about a guy
You wanna laugh you wanna cry
You cross your heart and hope to die
'Til it's over and then

Shhh, Shhh
It's nice and quiet
Shhh, Shhh
But soon again
Shhh, Shhh
Starts another big riot

You blow a fuse, zing boom
The devil cuts loose, zing boom
So what's the use, wow bam
Of falling in love

It's, oh, so quiet
It's, oh, so still
You're all alone
And so peaceful until...

You ring the bell, bim bam
You shout and you yell, hi ho ho
You broke the spell
Gee, this is swell you almost have a fit
This guy is "gorge" and I got hit
There's no mistake this is it

'Til it's over and then
It's nice and quiet
Shhh, Shhh
But soon again
Shhh, Shhh
Starts another big riot

You blow a fuse
Zing boom
The devil cuts loose
Zing boom
So what's the use
Wow bam
Of falling in love

The sky caves in
The devil cuts loose
You blow blow blow blow blow your fuse ahhh
When you've fallen in love
Ssshhhhhh...

Lyrics from Bjork's renamed cover of the Betty Hutton song "Blow a Fuse"

Odds, No Ends

Hot & Cold

Freaky Dream

I was in a class. Etan and Mayhew were in the class too. I had to sit by obnoxious boys, while Etan and Mayhew got to sit together across the room. One boy kept touching me and I kept telling him not to touch me--making a scene to draw attention to this debacle so the teacher would make him stop. Then I ended up being in a back yard. Suddenly, enormous raccoons and other animals I can't remember were running towards me then bounding past me. I walked towards where they were running from. My mom was there. My mom said that there was a baby bear by the fence. I couldn't see it at first, then it became visable. The back yard was my mom's back yard, but not really. Then I was inside my mom's house that really wasn't her house. The baby bear was in there and I felt safe to try to pet it, since I knew the mother bear wasn't in the house. Next, I'm in another class. I don't remember anyone I know being there. Somehow some huge Asian looking man or beast of a man was lying on the floor like a skin puddle and ate Bjork's head, then ate her body right in front of the class. One boy was trying to escape and I followed him. We both were pushing through all of these unecessary obstacles. We escaped and ran out into the night, down a shadowy, grassy hill and onto lighted streets. I was back in class again. I was worried and didn't want to be there. The teacher was trying to consol us. I told her that I really liked Bjork. She kind of laughed lovingly as if saying, I know you did. I felt an urgency to get out of class. I told the teacher that I was leaving. She was trying to dissuade me, but then said, "They keep telling me a man is in the hall waiting and I keep asking them what man? What man?!" That was it. I was leaving. My sisters, Nilya and Therimew happen to be in the class this time. I grabbed them and we all left. We found out later that the teacher had been eaten by the man beast. Then I was at my house that really wasn't my house. Etan, Mayhew, Therimew and I were in the T.V. room. I was worried and felt like this creature was coming after me. We were all standing up and pacing around. Mayhew grabbed a silver necklace with a asian style pendant that was hanging by a nail on the wall. That necklace had something to do with the man beast. I grabbed it from him and took another amulate type thing, I think it was a pentagram, and went into the living room to place the items together on the floor. As soon as I did that, I looked out the window to see a man in a black hooded monk-style gown walking, almost floating, very fast up our street. I watched him turn up our driveway. He began knocking on the door. I was sure I was doomed. He knew we were in the house. He had a key! He began to unlock it, but then his action waned and he left. He was giving me a message that he could come and get me anytime. Not this time, though. I ran into the T.V. room to tell the others that he had a key. Apparently, this was modus operandi for this man beast, because after I said, "He had a key!," Etan said in affirmation, "That's just the thing." As that is what the others reported before they were eaten.

Coaching Biology

My high school biology teacher, Mr. Aldridge, wanted us to call him "Coach," even though he was no longer a coach.

I don't remember how I came across this, but I found out he had a phone line with recorded Christian-themed stories. I called it church chat after Dana Carvey's SNL Church Lady show. The recording always began with his breath-held, nasal greeting, "He-llo, this is Coach." I used to call it all the time to abuse call-waiting so the phone wouldn't ring and clue my parents in on my late night conversations.

For a couple of classes he brought a puppet, whom also starred in his recorded church chat messages, to show off his ventriliquist skills. I don't remember if it was school or god related; I think I was in shock that a bunch of sophmores and juniors were being treated to a freaky puppet show. I took a basketball camp with him when I was in eighth grade, a venue where he would aptly go by Coach Aldridge, I think he found a way to haul out the dummy on that occasion--after I won the free-throw contest. Yes, I'm invoking my inner Al Bundy.

Sometimes he would stand up in front of the class with a yard stick and mindlessly pretend to strum it like a guitar while he coached biology. Inevitably, he would do a quick double strum and finish it off with a wide circular arm thrust that left his hand floating over his head.

Students could choose or were assigned different animals (snakes, a cayman, a chinchilla, fish, rats, a tarantula to name a few) to basically clean up after. Everyone but Ollie Stevens had a partner. Ollie had the tarantula--he had to wear a special glove to handle the arachnid. My partner, Darl, and I were in charge of the goldfish. We cleaned the tank. Coach told Darl and I how to siphon the water, but we weren't listening. I knew how to siphon another way from watching my neighbors empty their water bed with a garden hose. I sucked on the clear plastic tube and watched the nasty fish water go into my mouth. Everyone at my table and Coach witnessed this. One student squealed, Darl laughed and Ollie just shook his head. Coach was beside himself and asked me why I didn't use the other technique. I just stood over the sink spitting. I didn't really care, it got the job done.

One time a rat was missing from its cage. While I wasn't listening in class, I gazed at our fish tank that sat on our table. All of the sudden, I noticed a weird looking, pink, long thing was bobbing up and down. And then I noticed pink feet. I blurted out, "There's the rat!"

When we got to the evolution section of the biology book, he informed us that he wouldn't be teaching us that because he didn't believe in it. Everyone else in class was relieved to skip a chapter, but Ollie Stevens and I were bummed. We plucked off some beetles stuck on needles from Coach's insect collection and threw them in the trash to get back at him.

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Goodbye, Bettie Page

1923-2008

Winter Color Plate and Ghost

1 Corylus avellana
2 Sycopsis sinensis
3 Sarcococca hookeriana var. humilis
4 Helleborus x hybridus
5 Euonymus fortunei ‘Silver Queen’
6 Pulmonaria rubra ‘Redstart’
7 Adonis ‘Fukujukai’
8 Cornus sanguinea ‘Midwinter Fire’
9 Arum italicum subsp. italicum ‘Marmoratum’
10 Leucojum vernum
11 Iris unguicularis
12 Iris ’Katharine Hodgkin’
13 Lonicera x purpusii
14 Mahonia x media ‘Charity’
15 Juniperus drupacea
16 Hamamelis mollis
17 Daphne bholua ‘Jacqueline Postill’
18 Crocus tommasinianus
19 Prunus davidiana ‘Alba’
20 Galanthus ‘S Arnott’
21 Erica x darleyensis ‘Furzey’
22 Betula albosinensis var. septentrionalis
23 Garrya x issaquahensis
24 Viburnum x bodnantense ‘Dawn’
25 Eranthis hyemalis
26 Erica x darleyensis ‘Silberschmelze’
27 Bergenia ‘Sunningdale’

-Courtesy of the Royal Horticultural Society (www.rhs.org.uk)

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